A tribute to my Iron Lady

My mum was born and raised in a poor family. She used to sell vegetables at the roadside to help the family with some money. She lost her parents at an early age. Throughout her life, she has faced challenges upon challenges, but doesn’t seem to faze her at all. She struggled to bring us up as a family. Among us all, I believe she’s the strongest.

Throughout her life she made a lot of sacrifices; more so for her own family, and her children. And raising one of the naughtiest boy as her son, (that’s me by the way), really tested her resolve. There’s nothing mischievous left undone after I’m through with it, but Mak was always so patient with me.

In her career, she made sacrifices to follow my father’s footsteps around Malaysia, as he was posted to various jobs in the government. The last posting was in Sarawak, where Mak decided it best to follow my dad and look after my younger sister, resulting in her relinquishing a plush post in the ministry.

When she was diagnosed with cancer 7 years ago, she virtually took it in her stride, looking for treatments wherever possible, whenever available, and whatever the options. Modern medicine, herbal medication, you name it, she tried it. There was no stone left unturned.

In all of this, her mind is always focused on the family and not herself. Her determination to battle the cancer was not because she wants it for herself. She wants it so that she is well enough to take care of the family and my dad. She even took “time off” from her treatment a few years back, so that my dad could go ahead with his heart surgery. She pulled me aside this one day, and told me: “don’t tell Ayah, I want him to go for the surgery so that he can be healthy again…my cancer…well, it’s still there…”

Every single day, she would tell us to take care of each other, take care of the family, and take care of my dad. We are a close knit family, and she’s the glue that kept us together.

Her courage in the face of diversity is an inspiration to me in my own life. Despite all her health problems, she would always find the strength to give a piece of advice and encouragement daily to her naughtiest child. Her love, tenderness and warm spirit touched not only me, but others around her as well.

My mum…Mak…Datin Hajjah Kamariah Jalil passed away on 25th June 2009. After a long, brave battle against cancer, she is finally at peace, God bless her soul.

She is my Iron Lady…and I miss her…so very much…

Dugaan...

It hasn't been the best of times these past few weeks. Bad news keep cropping up every now and then. Let me just list some of it, so that I can at least lessen the burden in my head and heart by writing it down.

No.1 - My mum & cancer
FYI, my mum has been battling cancer for the past 6 years plus, going in and out of the hospital for as long as that time. Surgeries, biopsies, radiotherapy, chemotherapy etc...I've lost count of how many of these treatments she's gone through for all those years, there were so many (!). And don't start with the amount of medication that she's taking - every time she comes back from the hospital it seems as if she had just gone grocery shopping with the amount of plastic bags she brought back.

The 1st week of March, I brought her to the eye hospital after she complained that she can't see certain things at certain angle. The doctor said there's nothing wrong with the eye, and must have been something wrong with the nerves in her brain. I fear for the worse. She was scheduled to see the oncologist 2 weeks after that and she brought the eye doctor's report with her. They did a brain scan on her, and found some cancer cells at the base of her brain. Cue emergency radiotherapy on the brain.

After 5 rounds of the emergency treatment, she's now back home, to return for another scan in about 3 weeks time. She came back with bags of medication, of which there was some confusion as to what was to be taken when, because there were too many. On top of all that, for the past few months she lost most of her weight since she has little to no appetite. She weighs about 35kg now. That's less than half of my weight (!)

No.2 My wife & chicken pox
Yeps...you read that right. My wife contracted chicken pox a few days before my mum was admitted to hospital. She never had it before when she was a child, so it was only a matter of time that she's gonna get it. It just happened to be on the week my mum was hospitalized. My in laws who happened to be in Putrajaya that weekend decided to bring my wife back for treatment and recovery, which I am thankful. If she had stayed with me in Shah Alam, no one would be able to take care of her if I go to work. It's been almost 2 weeks that she's away from me.

I miss her. A whole lot.

No. 3 The Neo & the suicidal monkey
Okay...here's where it gets very frustrating...on my way to a photography assignment (my very first one)...I hit a monkey. With my wife's Neo. Adehs.

Here's the summary: I was on my way back from Melaka, after visiting my wife (there, up there...I told you kan she got chicken pox) and heading towards Cyberjaya. I took the Elite highway since it's the safest route I know. Safest meaning that's the junction I know I won't get lost. Heh. Anyways, after the Cyberjaya toll gate, as I was celebrating the fact that I'm still keeping a good time schedule that day, I saw a monkey jumping on the divider. As soon as I thought "hey, monkey!"...he jumped in front of the car. In a split second I swerved, narrowly missing the divider (I was driving on the right lane) and heard a loud thump in front of the car. As I looked in the rear view mirror, I saw the lifeless body of the monkey rolling along the road.

When I came down to check the car, the bumper was badly damaged (yes, Proton engineers take note: them bumpers ain't that strong - buck up your ideas). I can hear something leaking, but as I checked it was not the radiator and I suspected that it was the A/C. Figuring that I couldn't do anything about it until later in the day, I continued on my journey to my assignment, shaken but still managed to get a few shots.

And for those wondering how much the repair costs...let's just say I won't be adding to my camera gears' collection anytime soon.

Summary
Despite all that, I've managed to keep myself busy. Work is a pain in the ass, though. But photography is what's keeping me sane these days. At least I've got the chance to go to one of my first photography workshop. Short but fun. I hope I can go to more of these, it's not just the facilitator that's good, the other participants are not that bad too.

I've been shuttling myself between going to work and the workshop; visiting my mum in hospital and my wife in Melaka; house in Shah Alam and parents' house in PJ for the last week or so. It has been a busy week but a lonely one at that since I'm used to having my wife around with me. And I need her with me, now than ever.

My mum has always been strong. She's the strongest person I know, the strongest amongst us. The doctors are still amazed at how she is able to stave off the cancer for this long despite it's mutations and spread throughout her body. It has been a long and courageous battle, and only God knows how painful it is for her. It may have weaken her body, but not her spirit. At least, until now... As I was having dinner with her on Tuesday night, she turned to me, looked me in the eyes and said " I don't think I have 3 weeks..."

My heart sank.