What a day Monday...

Well, there I was...stuck in KESAS, KM21.7E. The car overheated, and I had to stop to let the engine cool and call for help. Actually it's half of the story, for others it didn't seem that serious when I talked about it. I'll just let you know some of the things that happened:

I was coming off from midnight shift, which ended at 0800hrs, it was a tiring night actually. I attended a meeting at 0830hrs, which lasted till 1000hrs, and it was tough enough keeping myself awake in the meeting and focused on the matters discussed. As I reached the parking lot at 1030hrs, I called my wife to say that I'm going back. She asked me to have some breakfast first, to which I replied a resounding "no", thinking that it might be better to eat after I reach home. My reasoning is that on a full stomach, I might been even more sleepier than I was at the moment and it'll be even more dangerous to drive.

Off I went at about 1040hrs, hoping to find some grub before I hit the bed. During the 1st few minutes of the drive I noticed that the aircond wasn't cool, it got hotter by the minute, to which I thought to myself: "must send to the workshop again since they did ask me to check if the aircond is working properly or not"...

By the time I realize that it wasn't the aircond, the temperature gauge was showing the needle had reached the red-mark - cue squeezing in between 2 lorries to get to the road shoulders (!). Thank God the driver of the lorry behind me was driving slow and gave me enough room to squeeze in front of him.

Phew! Made it, switched off the engine just in time, and a quick check before I popped the hood ensured that there was no smoke coming out from the engine. In between calls to my wife and checking the engine, I noticed that the coolant had dried, there's a lot of coolant outside the bottle and on the engine, and worse shock of all was the hose that connects the radiator to the engine had came off - cue horror gasp (!)

I poured whatever water that I have in the car into the radiator and drove off, with the hope that I can reach the next gas station to top up the coolant. I barely made it before the temperature started rising again. By this time it was so hot I can feel my skin burning and I wished that I had something to eat before I drove. Anyways, upon reaching the car back I realized that I didn't remember to grab something off the shelf at the gas station to eat. Arrrgghh, to cross back to the station would be suicidal I thought, as the number of lorries and cars are rising by the minute. I decided to top up the coolant and water, re-check the hose again and drove off.

It wasn't that far when the temperature rose again, when I checked some of the coolant is leaking out of the hose, the hose is either defective or is not properly tighten. I think there was a couple more stop-start to my journey before I finally reached the KESAS SOS phone. After calling them, I decided to take a rest while waiting for the peronda to arrive. It didn't take long for them to arrive, about 15 minutes but the advise they gave was the same thing I did before: top up your water, stop if the temperature goes up and get to the nearest workshop. They helped with the hose, they tried to tighten the screws, but none of the tools in the car fit, and I wonder why they don't have tools of their own.

By this time I think the combination of the heat, the tiredness and the dehydration really got to me, I don't think I have the energy to ask for anymore advise or ask stupid annoying questions. Off I drove for a few more stop-start drives until I reached my house and just collapsed in exhaustion.

It'll take another week for the car to be repaired; after this I think I must do some mandi bunga for the car lah...aiyo, so many problems (and I do believe it's because of that stupid monkey!)

Ah...The 1st shift...

It's 4.30am Saturday.

Yes, you read that right. I'm at the port, on duty for the most hated shift of all : the 1st shift as it's known officially, the midnight shift as it's called by most people or the graveyard shift as it's known overseas. I call it the zombie shift sometimes, as that's how I feel during the shift - I'm not operating at my fullest capacity and I'm half asleep most of the time. Heh...

I don't have the luxury of sleeping in my own bed for the next 5 nights. Added to that, it's the weekends, so I don't get the chance to go out or spend much time with my wife or family since I would be unconscious when I get back home, knocked out from the energy-sapping shift.

During these next 5 working days, I'll be awake at night, and sleep during the day... Eh, sounds more like a vampire la...

fotoINSPIRASI: Summary

Well, I had a great time listening to the speakers. It's just an inspiring moment just listening to them sharing their experiences, and some tips and tricks of the trade. Here's some summary of what I got from the speakers.

Din Arshad (Advertising) - Communication and Direction
You want your shot? Talk to your subject. Even the most experienced models would not know what you think unless you tell them. Knowing what you want for your shot is one of the most important thing for a photographer. Heh... (note to self: talk more weih...)

Shamsarin Shamsudin (Photojournalism) - 5W and 1H
What, When, Where, Who, Why and How...know what is the story behind the pictures you're taking. And be prepared with all the necessary gears, even if it doesn't seem remotely important - e.g. between getting yourself or the camera wet, what would be your decision? Heh... (note to self: love thy camera, dude...)

Bustmamam Mokhtar (Fashion) : Lights!
Get your lights right, you want to show the beauty of your shots, you have to light up your subjects. Although some art directors like a shadow here and there, but lighting is the most important thing to get right before you click to take the picture. (note to self: read more on lights!)

Ikram Ismail (Wedding) : Get that moment
You have got to capture that moment. People spend thousands on the wedding, and it's a precious moment. Your job is to capture it and immortalize it forever. Do that right, and your clients will not be only be grateful to you, they don't mind paying you thousands as well! (kehkehkeh...) And when all else fails...go B&W! (note to self: practice, practice, practice)

fotoINSPIRASI: The End...

It's the end...the highest number of questions came in the session with Ikram Ismail,one of the top wedding photographers. I think it's the most anticipated session among the photographers,as some have done wedding photographies before. Getting tips from one of the best is priceless.

fotoINSPIRASI : Lights please...

Get your lights right...Bustamam Mokhtar went all out to show us what it takes to make it in fashion photography. Not only did he set up a mini studio up there on stage, we get to see him in action shooting a model...3 times. Just watching him set up everything and direct the shots was amazing...I was just blown away...and that's just a simple set up!

fotoINSPIRASI: Lunch...

Burp...good lunch, good company too. Shamshahrin Shamsudin presented his side of photography before lunch, one of the most intriguing for me, i.e. photojournalism. His experiences excites me even more and I think this is one branch of photography I would like to explore.

fotoINSPIRASI - Break!

Break time...queuing up for tea break. Din Arshad started things off. His pix are excellent...meleleh. He even had time to do a quickie photoshoot to show us how things are done...excellent! And the model is nice looking too...hehehe.

fotoINSPIRASI

I made it...! After weeks of waiting with anxious anticipation, i'm finally here at this event. My 2nd event with fototeacher and the biggest so far. I was supposed to have my "partner in crime" with me, but alas today i'm flying solo. First impressions? Lots of young kids...everyone calling me 'abang'..1 even mistook me for a facilitator...

eheh,i feel my age catching up...

Friday Prayers

One of the good things about working here is that there's a surau located at the tower block for us. With the surau certified by JAIS to hold Friday prayers, it's a blessing for the Muslim staff here. We used to drive to the pulau for Friday prayers, which is about 10mins away (the journey to and from takes up 20 minutes of your time...). Not an issue for the normal hours people, but for operations staff is another matter where time is of the essence. Now, it only takes a minute or 2 to reach the surau for Friday prayers. Not that much reason to ponteng anymore... Hehehe.

New uniforms

Finally...new uniforms. Fortunately, the new uniforms is the same design with the ones I have now. So in total I have 6 shirts which would be easier for me to change and wash it throughout the week. We even got 3 pants this time, as compared to 2 pants previously. The quality looks good too.

My only complaint? My full name emblazoned on the chest. Panjangnye nama...Heh...

The wait at the service centre

Finally managed to find time to send my brother's car for servicing. Actually calling the Santa Fe a car doesn't do it justice. The more correct term is SUV, sports utility vehicle. Drove it to port for this week, and had lots of fun with it. It's quite fast for a big vehicle; and other cars, even lorries move out of the way to stay clear from it. Hee...sekali sekala got respect from the lorries quite fun also. Heh.

I don't think I could afford one myself,though. Especially not at the current economic climate. The advise I got from most people is to live within my means. Watch what is being spent on, buy what I need, and less on what I want. So since I don't need an SUV...yet, I'm not buying one. But I do want to add to my collection of camera gears...hmm, must check my duit tabung then. Hehehe.

Back home in BP

Here's the street where my house is. Most of my neighbours are asleep at this time.Only a few of us keeps an odd hours working life, so it does get lonely when you don't get to see the neighbours around. I've to park a bit far away from the house this week; as you can see the road is fully occupied on both sides. Plus, I'm driving my brother's Santa Fe, while he tours Europe for 2 weeks, so there's no place left to park beside my house. The Santa Fe is the biggest car I've driven so far by the way, so it's quite a challenge judging the area around the parking spaces, heh...

Looking at the cars lining up the road, I don't think it can be squeezed inside there anymore, do you? Hehe...

The babies Chronicles:Aragorn & Gimly

A while back, I promised to post some pix of the new babies of Horny. There was a delay because:
1. I was still recovering from Shaggy's MIA that looking at another kitten's pix was torture.
2. One of the babies died, probably because one of the adult cats killed him.
3. Horny ran away with the 2 remaining babies,only to pop up behind the house.

After much thought, I decided to let them roam free at the back and give them food when they're hungry. The babies really like that small carpet...it's where they fall asleep when they're full (or as we always say:kenyang kebuntat!).

More to come...

Mobile blogging...

This is sent from my Sony Ericsson hp...I'm just giving this mobile blogging a try to see if this work.Didn't work at first with my other phone,though...ishk.Thinx would work better with a qwerty keypad handphone (yes,Linda...Ur phone has qwerty keypad).Since I don't have one, I'll make use of what i have lah.Hehe.Fingers crossed...

Weight Watch

I've been struggling with my weight for the last...hmmm, let me see now - I'm 33 this year, so it would be 13 years...yeps, been having weight issues for the past 13 years. Actually it's not my weight I'm worried about, it's just the flabs all over my body that's a wee bit disturbing to me. I just feel uncomfortable with the "spare tire" I'm carrying around my waist. Heh.

I've been generally a wee bit on the skinny side throughout my childhood, putting on a little bit of weight when I finished school but eventually losing it when I entered college. I'm skinny with not much muscle definition though, so people usually consider me a lightweight. When I went to UK for studies, the 1st year there I lost even more weight which alarmed my mother when she saw me during a visit. It's nothing serious, I just don't know how to cook actually. Heh. A diet of instant noodles would do that for you. Hah!

In the 2nd year, after some collection of recipes from my mum and a crash course in basic cooking from my brother, I managed to honed my cooking skills. Which basically involves throwing everything into the pan and fry it to perfection! Hehe. If I have people over, I would either cook spaghetti or roasted chicken (or chicken bake as my soon to be wife would call it). And as you guessed it, there's a lot of cheese involved in those spaghetti meals and a lot of meaty portions in them chicken bake. I ballooned to double my size in year 1, that when I landed back in Malaysia, my mum couldn't recognize me! Hehe.

Over the years, I've tried to lose weight, made a lot of resolutions; tried a lot of methods: jogging, lifting weights, kickboxing. My weight would yo-yo between these periods, sometimes I would lose weight only to put it on a few months later. I did however, manage to lose enough weight so that I could look good during my wedding. :-) Marriage has been blessed in a sense that my meals are taken care of by my wife (thanx ayang!) and for me, everything she cooked is delicious! So my weight again ballooned up to uncontrollable proportions. Shirts and pants kept on being too small for me, so I kept on buying bigger clothes. The last straw was the fact that I tore my favorite jeans because it couldn't handle my size and the punishment I meted out to the fabric.

I'm lucky in a sense that a gym was opened at the workplace by this time, and hence started my journey to lose weight and basically try to maintain a healthy looking body. It was a tough challenge. The most successful period so far was between August 2007 to March 2008. In March 2007, I weighed my heaviest (officially), which is 98kg (216pounds). I do believe that I've weighed significantly more than this, but this is the official weight recorded by the gym trainer. Throughout the time, I made a pact with myself that I would try to maintain my attendance to the gym, control what I eat and basically just live a healthy lifestyle. It wasn't easy though, nothing happened for the first few months. So, the trainer suggested lowering my rice intake, to lower my carbs intake. Within 2 months of doing that, while maintaining my gym attendance, I managed to lose 20kg (44pounds). My lowest recorded weight so far is 78kg (171pounds), which is still a few steps away from my ideal weight.

But I lost the rhythm, I'm not so sure why, but my schedule just went haywire mid 2008. What was supposed to be the next step to build a better body, became a "war" to just keep myself motivated to come to the gym. I've put on weight, lose it again, and put it back on throughout this time, up until now. I now weighed 85kg (187pounds) and have been maintaining that for the last few months. I must have hit a plateau, as the trainer predicted, and I have to find a way to keep myself motivated to come to the gym. I don't think my greatest challenge is coming to the gym, since it's located at my workplace and since I spent most of the time here, I'm sure I can drop by the gym anytime during weekdays. The greatest challenge so far has been to keep eating healthy food! And it's so hard to find those here (yeah, yeah...excuses, excuses) but I'm determined to find a way to eat healthy!

People wonder why I go to the gym regularly...it's not because I want to become a body builder, I just want a healthier lean body. And to feel comfortable with it, and not to be out of breath when climbing up the stairs (!). I feel uncomfortable with the flabbiness, and I need to burn it off. My target is not for everyone; as long as you feel comfortable with your body, there's nothing other people can say otherwise. I don't feel comfortable with my body, so I need to do something about it.

Let's hope for the best, and keep your fingers crossed!

Pekerjaan anda yang sepatutnya quiz

I took a funny quiz on facebook the other day...funny in a sense that within 8 questions, the quiz was supposed to give the answer to our dreams. "Pekerjaan anda yang sepatutnya" quiz gave me an even funnier answer: Pelakon (actor). I laughed out hard when it came out. But the description of why the result came out gave me room for thought:

Pelakon: Anda memang suka berlakon.Kawan kawan memang tak tahu watak sebenar anda kerana anda kerap berubah mengikut situasi.kadang kadang anda boleh ketawa tapi dalam masa yang sama menangis.

Roughly translated, it said "Actor: You like to act. Your friends do not know your actual/real character as you change with situations. Sometimes you laugh but at the same time you cry."

When I told my wife about the result, her reply was : "doesn't that sums you up perfectly, ayang?" I scratched my head at that reply...wasn't so sure I wanted to believe a simple quiz and vague answer. But looking back at the answer...yes, it does sum me up a bit. Not the actor part (!), just the parts where it said I change my character with the situations. And the part where it said I laugh but cry at the same time.

I've got a broad range of friends, from all sorts of different backgrounds, which sometimes astound people. I have friends which are polar opposites of each other, could never mix with each other but friends with me. There are times I'm the messenger or middle man between these polar opposites (!). It's hard to explain it, but I guess I'm used to adapt myself to different sorts of people and I am a very, very tolerant person. :-)

Yes, I do hide my feelings. What I am thinking, what's in my mind, my thoughts I put it out most of the time. But my feelings, I hide it underneath. There's no specific reasons, I've never thought about it so much, but my best guess is because of my upbringing. For me, I feel that even when I have problems, no matter how big or small, my problems are insignificant or trivial as compared to others. No matter how I feel, I believe that my feelings are not as important as the feelings of others, which I try very much not to hurt. I know I hurt people's feelings sometimes (I'm not perfect), but I give it a try...always.

And hence, the "mask"...the acting part. I believe people enjoy my company because I make them feel good, and that makes them happy. No matter how down or unhappy I am, I would give it my best to keep others happy. In a sense, I guess, there's that hope in me that when other people are happy, those happiness will rub on me and I could feel the happiness and lessen those negative feelings that I would have. Hey, it's like what they say about karma - what goes around, comes around. Or as they say about the Golden Rule: "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

Cheerios!

Dugaan...

It hasn't been the best of times these past few weeks. Bad news keep cropping up every now and then. Let me just list some of it, so that I can at least lessen the burden in my head and heart by writing it down.

No.1 - My mum & cancer
FYI, my mum has been battling cancer for the past 6 years plus, going in and out of the hospital for as long as that time. Surgeries, biopsies, radiotherapy, chemotherapy etc...I've lost count of how many of these treatments she's gone through for all those years, there were so many (!). And don't start with the amount of medication that she's taking - every time she comes back from the hospital it seems as if she had just gone grocery shopping with the amount of plastic bags she brought back.

The 1st week of March, I brought her to the eye hospital after she complained that she can't see certain things at certain angle. The doctor said there's nothing wrong with the eye, and must have been something wrong with the nerves in her brain. I fear for the worse. She was scheduled to see the oncologist 2 weeks after that and she brought the eye doctor's report with her. They did a brain scan on her, and found some cancer cells at the base of her brain. Cue emergency radiotherapy on the brain.

After 5 rounds of the emergency treatment, she's now back home, to return for another scan in about 3 weeks time. She came back with bags of medication, of which there was some confusion as to what was to be taken when, because there were too many. On top of all that, for the past few months she lost most of her weight since she has little to no appetite. She weighs about 35kg now. That's less than half of my weight (!)

No.2 My wife & chicken pox
Yeps...you read that right. My wife contracted chicken pox a few days before my mum was admitted to hospital. She never had it before when she was a child, so it was only a matter of time that she's gonna get it. It just happened to be on the week my mum was hospitalized. My in laws who happened to be in Putrajaya that weekend decided to bring my wife back for treatment and recovery, which I am thankful. If she had stayed with me in Shah Alam, no one would be able to take care of her if I go to work. It's been almost 2 weeks that she's away from me.

I miss her. A whole lot.

No. 3 The Neo & the suicidal monkey
Okay...here's where it gets very frustrating...on my way to a photography assignment (my very first one)...I hit a monkey. With my wife's Neo. Adehs.

Here's the summary: I was on my way back from Melaka, after visiting my wife (there, up there...I told you kan she got chicken pox) and heading towards Cyberjaya. I took the Elite highway since it's the safest route I know. Safest meaning that's the junction I know I won't get lost. Heh. Anyways, after the Cyberjaya toll gate, as I was celebrating the fact that I'm still keeping a good time schedule that day, I saw a monkey jumping on the divider. As soon as I thought "hey, monkey!"...he jumped in front of the car. In a split second I swerved, narrowly missing the divider (I was driving on the right lane) and heard a loud thump in front of the car. As I looked in the rear view mirror, I saw the lifeless body of the monkey rolling along the road.

When I came down to check the car, the bumper was badly damaged (yes, Proton engineers take note: them bumpers ain't that strong - buck up your ideas). I can hear something leaking, but as I checked it was not the radiator and I suspected that it was the A/C. Figuring that I couldn't do anything about it until later in the day, I continued on my journey to my assignment, shaken but still managed to get a few shots.

And for those wondering how much the repair costs...let's just say I won't be adding to my camera gears' collection anytime soon.

Summary
Despite all that, I've managed to keep myself busy. Work is a pain in the ass, though. But photography is what's keeping me sane these days. At least I've got the chance to go to one of my first photography workshop. Short but fun. I hope I can go to more of these, it's not just the facilitator that's good, the other participants are not that bad too.

I've been shuttling myself between going to work and the workshop; visiting my mum in hospital and my wife in Melaka; house in Shah Alam and parents' house in PJ for the last week or so. It has been a busy week but a lonely one at that since I'm used to having my wife around with me. And I need her with me, now than ever.

My mum has always been strong. She's the strongest person I know, the strongest amongst us. The doctors are still amazed at how she is able to stave off the cancer for this long despite it's mutations and spread throughout her body. It has been a long and courageous battle, and only God knows how painful it is for her. It may have weaken her body, but not her spirit. At least, until now... As I was having dinner with her on Tuesday night, she turned to me, looked me in the eyes and said " I don't think I have 3 weeks..."

My heart sank.